A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. ~Proverbs 17:17
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. ~Proverbs 27:5-6
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel. ~Proverbs 27:9
He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue. ~Proverbs 28:23
Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you—better a neighbor nearby than a brother far off. ~Proverbs 27:10
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness. Let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. ~Psalm 141:5
You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love one another. ~John 15:14-17
The four levels of friendship:
1. The passing acquaintance, (Facebook)
2. The friend by association, one with whom you share a few common interests, (church, work, a sport)
3. The fun friend, one you like to be with, have fun with and go places with, shopping, golf, etc. (small group)
4. The deep or close friend, one you are safe with, you can say what needs to be said because you know that the relationship can bear it. You can also hear what needs to be said because you know that it is said out of love. (Mentor, sponsor, disciple, true companion)
Most of us experience friendships on all four levels. Most of our friends are probably in the first category and we have fewer and fewer at higher levels. Fortunate is the person that has one or two level four friendships. If you do, you are a blessed person indeed.
Companionship is one of the deepest longings of the soul. We all long to be known and fully known by someone. When we have this level of friendship, we know that we are not alone. We can face the world with more courage because we know that someone has our backs. There is a reason why we all want this, to be fully known and to know each other deeply. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit all love each other. It must be that we could envision them as great friends with each other too. This relational quality of God as “friend” is based in the relational nature of God as Trinity! And we are created in His image, so we are relational too.
“Two are better than one, because they have good return for their time: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the one who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lay down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12) Remember this? We talked earlier about how this is a picture of how the church should be, and marriage, but by just having one other person that you can depend upon this fully and intimately, you are blessed and you are rare.
“A friend loves at all times.” You know, we have no control over another person, but we do have control over ourselves. We’ve spoken before about not being thin skinned or being easily offended. Paul says it this way: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Cor. 13:4-7)
When we can love like that, we have the capacity to be a true friend. We will love at all times because the love of God is in us helping us to do so. “And a brother is borne for adversity.” Just as with marriage, friendships can hit rocky places. “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” A true friend does not wound because it is delightful or easy, but out of love, speaks only because it is necessary. A good friend will want to keep you from harm, so their council is intended for good.
If only David had had friends around him, instead of servants, as he was walking along the roof that one fateful evening and happened to see Bathsheba. If only Jonathan, or Nathan, had been there to warn and advise. So much heartache would have been avoided if a trusted friend would have been willing to speak the truth at that time. David may have been upset in the moment, but he would have probably been grateful in the end.
We don’t often do very well at making decisions alone. “the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” “He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.” In the end, the prophet Nathan proved to be that friend for David, though the damage had already been done. Through Nathan’s bravery, David was brought to repentance and given the opportunity to seek God’s heart again. That takes courage as a friend, courage and love to want what is best for the friend, even though the encounter may hurt both of you very much.
Just as it is important for us to be the right kind of friend, it is also important that we choose the right kind of friend. Solomon’s son Rehoboam caused a lot of trouble and lost the full Kingdom of Israel because of the unwise advice of his friends. Because of the strong ties that friends create, they do have an influence over our lives. We advise our children to choose their friends wisely for good reason. Friends have a lot of pull in the decision making process.
How amazing then that Jesus actually chose His disciples, and us, to be His friends when we didn’t really deserve that title. “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.” Knowing all that friendship is and all it can be, can you believe that God chose you and me to be His friends?
Remember that earlier, when I talked about David, I said that it was unfortunate that he only had servants around him. Servants have to obey. Friends are brought in for discussion, to share plans and guidance. To think that Jesus would elevate me from servant to friend, when He is so much more than I, is incomprehensible to me. I’m sure that He was not looking to us to influence Him, but, as a friend, He chose us, to influence us in the way of righteousness.
He does not walk with us just as a creator who made us and thus has an interest in how we turn out. He doesn’t just see us as a child to discipline and correct to learn righteousness. He chose us to be friends, to walk with us as friends, and as described in Ecclesiastes, to help us stand firm. His love for us is for all times as described in 1 Corinthians 13.
He chooses to be the friend who walks with us on the roof top at night when we are tempted. Yet, He also dares to be the friend who will wound us when necessary because He loves us too much not to say anything. Yet, as a friend, He listens to us. He hears our hearts. He knows our sufferings and sorrows and He pleads for us, His friends, before the Father, as only a friend can do.
He says that it is obvious we are His friends when we obey Him. So, He has laid out clearly the qualification by which He will know who returns His friendship. He offers the gift of His friendship to us, and then allows us to choose whether or not we are interested in returning that friendship. The choice remains ours, but the offer stands.
Prayer: Dear Jesus, such a friend! And You call me friend! Help me to live up to that and live into greater and greater obedience as I learn your ways. Help me also to be a very good friend to all. “I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.” (Psalm 119:63) In Jesus’ name, amen.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses. ~Proverbs 27:5-6
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel. ~Proverbs 27:9
He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue. ~Proverbs 28:23
Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother’s house when disaster strikes you—better a neighbor nearby than a brother far off. ~Proverbs 27:10
Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness. Let him rebuke me—it is oil on my head. My head will not refuse it. ~Psalm 141:5
You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love one another. ~John 15:14-17
The four levels of friendship:
1. The passing acquaintance, (Facebook)
2. The friend by association, one with whom you share a few common interests, (church, work, a sport)
3. The fun friend, one you like to be with, have fun with and go places with, shopping, golf, etc. (small group)
4. The deep or close friend, one you are safe with, you can say what needs to be said because you know that the relationship can bear it. You can also hear what needs to be said because you know that it is said out of love. (Mentor, sponsor, disciple, true companion)
Most of us experience friendships on all four levels. Most of our friends are probably in the first category and we have fewer and fewer at higher levels. Fortunate is the person that has one or two level four friendships. If you do, you are a blessed person indeed.
Companionship is one of the deepest longings of the soul. We all long to be known and fully known by someone. When we have this level of friendship, we know that we are not alone. We can face the world with more courage because we know that someone has our backs. There is a reason why we all want this, to be fully known and to know each other deeply. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit all love each other. It must be that we could envision them as great friends with each other too. This relational quality of God as “friend” is based in the relational nature of God as Trinity! And we are created in His image, so we are relational too.
“Two are better than one, because they have good return for their time: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the one who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lay down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12) Remember this? We talked earlier about how this is a picture of how the church should be, and marriage, but by just having one other person that you can depend upon this fully and intimately, you are blessed and you are rare.
“A friend loves at all times.” You know, we have no control over another person, but we do have control over ourselves. We’ve spoken before about not being thin skinned or being easily offended. Paul says it this way: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always perseveres. Love never fails.” (1 Cor. 13:4-7)
When we can love like that, we have the capacity to be a true friend. We will love at all times because the love of God is in us helping us to do so. “And a brother is borne for adversity.” Just as with marriage, friendships can hit rocky places. “Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.” A true friend does not wound because it is delightful or easy, but out of love, speaks only because it is necessary. A good friend will want to keep you from harm, so their council is intended for good.
If only David had had friends around him, instead of servants, as he was walking along the roof that one fateful evening and happened to see Bathsheba. If only Jonathan, or Nathan, had been there to warn and advise. So much heartache would have been avoided if a trusted friend would have been willing to speak the truth at that time. David may have been upset in the moment, but he would have probably been grateful in the end.
We don’t often do very well at making decisions alone. “the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.” “He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue.” In the end, the prophet Nathan proved to be that friend for David, though the damage had already been done. Through Nathan’s bravery, David was brought to repentance and given the opportunity to seek God’s heart again. That takes courage as a friend, courage and love to want what is best for the friend, even though the encounter may hurt both of you very much.
Just as it is important for us to be the right kind of friend, it is also important that we choose the right kind of friend. Solomon’s son Rehoboam caused a lot of trouble and lost the full Kingdom of Israel because of the unwise advice of his friends. Because of the strong ties that friends create, they do have an influence over our lives. We advise our children to choose their friends wisely for good reason. Friends have a lot of pull in the decision making process.
How amazing then that Jesus actually chose His disciples, and us, to be His friends when we didn’t really deserve that title. “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last.” Knowing all that friendship is and all it can be, can you believe that God chose you and me to be His friends?
Remember that earlier, when I talked about David, I said that it was unfortunate that he only had servants around him. Servants have to obey. Friends are brought in for discussion, to share plans and guidance. To think that Jesus would elevate me from servant to friend, when He is so much more than I, is incomprehensible to me. I’m sure that He was not looking to us to influence Him, but, as a friend, He chose us, to influence us in the way of righteousness.
He does not walk with us just as a creator who made us and thus has an interest in how we turn out. He doesn’t just see us as a child to discipline and correct to learn righteousness. He chose us to be friends, to walk with us as friends, and as described in Ecclesiastes, to help us stand firm. His love for us is for all times as described in 1 Corinthians 13.
He chooses to be the friend who walks with us on the roof top at night when we are tempted. Yet, He also dares to be the friend who will wound us when necessary because He loves us too much not to say anything. Yet, as a friend, He listens to us. He hears our hearts. He knows our sufferings and sorrows and He pleads for us, His friends, before the Father, as only a friend can do.
He says that it is obvious we are His friends when we obey Him. So, He has laid out clearly the qualification by which He will know who returns His friendship. He offers the gift of His friendship to us, and then allows us to choose whether or not we are interested in returning that friendship. The choice remains ours, but the offer stands.
Prayer: Dear Jesus, such a friend! And You call me friend! Help me to live up to that and live into greater and greater obedience as I learn your ways. Help me also to be a very good friend to all. “I am a friend to all who fear you, to all who follow your precepts.” (Psalm 119:63) In Jesus’ name, amen.
Song: I Am A Friend of God
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