161. A Brother Who Sins Against You

Matthew 18:15-17

Key Verse: "If your brother, or sister, sins against you, go and show them their fault, just between the two of you.

Matthew 18:15

The world says: "If someone sins against you, you have the right to be angry! You have the right to pick up the phone and tell others how you have been offended because you have the right to be comforted!" It also says: "You have a right to bear a grudge until they recognize what they have done and come to you to apologize and ask for forgiveness." Sound familiar?

Jesus says: "If someone sins against you, it's your responsibility to try to make things right." How many times have you offended or hurt someone's feelings and you had no clue you had done so. You sensed that the relationship was growing cold, but you honestly had no clue why. Imagine finding out that someone is building a case against you in their minds or among their friends, and you have no clue what you've done.

This happens way too often in relationships. The offended party can't imagine that the offender has no clue so the offender goes on with his or her life while you, the offended party become more and more agitated. Jesus says, don't go there. Instead of nursing your grudge, "Go and show them their fault!" (Matt. 18:15)

Notice Jesus does not say, "Go and accuse them." One of the biggest problems in relationships occurs when we believe our perceptions, rather than reality. The prophet Jeremiah reminds us in Jeremiah 17:9, that the human heart is deceitful and exceedingly wicked. Satan would love to convince you that you are right and the other person is wrong, anything to keep your anger going, but how tragic to have all that energy built up in resentment when there may be a simple misunderstanding. Everyone, not just you, deserves the right to be able to tell their story and be heard.

When you have done as Jesus says, and the other person is still sticking to their position, and you also haven’t come around to seeing things their way, your responsibility to that person still isn't done. Next, bring two or three witnesses who can hear both sides and help both of you build toward reconciliation. You are not to bring two or three people to back up your position. Perhaps you need help in understanding the other person as well.

Finally, however, when you have tried and the two or three others have tried and the other person still will not work toward reconciliation, then, Jesus admonishes the church, His bride, to get involved. When the offender does not respond to the church, then, and only then, should you see him or her as an unbeliever. And, how do we treat unbelievers? We pray for them. He or she is still your responsibility through prayer. 

It was back on the Sermon on the Mount that Jesus said: "I tell you: love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in Heaven." We must consider that it may never be God's Will to walk away forever. Separation may be good and necessary for a time, and you may never be able to have a personal relationship with that person, but never finish praying.

Hymn: "Lead Us, O Father, Inthe Paths of Peace"