Do not eat the food of a stingy man, do not crave his delicacies; for he is the kind of man who is always thinking about the cost. “Eat and drink,” he says to you, but his heart is not with you. You will vomit up the little you have eaten and will have wasted your compliments. ~Proverbs 23:6-8
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. ~1 Peter 3:8-9
Well, allow me to put my Celebrate Recovery hat on again for a moment and allow me to say that the host described in this proverb is a very unhealthy individual indeed. I can identify his “hang up.” He is labeled as “stingy,” but he is also, obviously controlling and manipulative. In truth, he is working hard to control the outcome of the encounter between himself and his guest to his own advantage. He’s got it all figured out, right down to the cost of his entertainment, to extract what he wants from his guest, and if the guest doesn’t play his game by his rules, the guest will pay for it.
You may or may not know anyone who is like this. They are unhealthy individuals who don’t know how to relate to others on a “friends,” basis. Life is like a chess game to them and they are always plotting their next move. They may have been hurt badly in their past and through that hurt have learned that others can’t be trusted. They may have been ridiculed or belittled in their past and they are determined, through control, not to ever be the underling again.
“Hurt people, hurt people.” They think, “If I keep the upper hand, if I stay in control of the situation, I will not be hurt again!” The result is, the stingy or controlling person ends up pushing people away. This may not have been their intent, but, at least, if people keep their distance, they are less able to hurt him or her again.
What a contrast Peter presents for those who also may have been hurt, but now are in Christ. Instead of being stingy and counting the cost, In Christ we can bless. Instead of extracting from others, we are called to live in harmony. Instead of protecting from hurt, “be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.”
Instead of using hurt as an excuse to control, in Christ, our hurts enable us to show compassion that says, “I understand.” Instead of being stingy, afraid to let go, in Christ, we bless. Instead of being self-protective, in Christ, we can forgive and not repay evil for evil. In Jesus, our whole world is turned upside down. In Christ, our past is not changed, but we are no longer victims of it, but victors over it.
We don’t need to be in control, because we have relinquished control to Him and are allowing Him to “make all things right if we surrender to His Will.” We are free; free to love, free to bless and free from the old ways of thinking that held us bound in our hurts and need to control. In Christ, we are free indeed.
Prayer: Thank You Lord for freedom to bless and not control, freedom to forgive and love rather than hold a grudge and hate, freedom to really live and not shrink down inside my protective shell that is really a prison of despair. In Jesus’ named, amen.
Song: Christ Be My Leader
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